During my dating years I got the impression that many men date younger and women older. There are always exceptions. But these age limits we make up affect who gets to meet in the first place, and the range is often unnecessarily narrow. Sometimes it rules out the very person you’d get along with best.
I often heard middle-aged women say there were simply no men their age on dating apps, or that the most desirable ones could get younger partners. At the same time, men interested in women their own age weren’t getting matches. Interest clearly concentrates on a fairly small group. Too many women pursue the same few men and are disappointed when the interest isn’t returned. Meanwhile, many men their age remain alone. This isn’t a measured statistic, but I like the Pareto principle: 20% of men collect the matches from 80% of women. And there are only a third as many women as men on dating apps, or fewer.
I see nothing wrong with an older man and a younger woman enjoying each other’s company. Their dynamic is often more equal than that of a same-age couple where the woman waves the baton and the man tries to keep the peace by agreeing and pleasing her. Neither wants those roles. With a younger woman, the man has permission to be the more experienced and decisive partner. The roles are clearer, and that makes him feel younger and more confident. People of both sexes also say younger dates haven’t yet been made as cynical and suspicious by failed relationships as those their own age.
But the same question goes the other way: why rule out a younger man and an older woman if both are happy? Younger men show a lot of interest in older women, but in my view it is often sexual. Genuine romantic interest is still more likely to come from someone your own age. Attention or a match alone doesn’t tell you that.
Either way, age gaps provoke strong feelings and disapproval in both directions, so be prepared if you date someone significantly younger or older. Both older men with younger women and older women with younger men face it. Jealousy is usually behind the disapproval. Strange how almost any age gap can provoke it.
Perhaps it isn’t because one partner is young and beautiful or charismatic and seasoned by age, but because others have the opportunity and openness to broaden their horizons to partners of different ages. Courage the critic may not have themselves?
Don’t choose a partner by their year of birth. If you get the chance, look and try. You might be pleasantly surprised.