For the first half of my adult life, I jumped from one relationship to another. I couldn’t say no to the wrong choices. I explained it as fate. There were no dating apps, and I didn’t dare approach anyone in real life. So I repeatedly ended up with the first person who dared approach me, whether in a bar, on a forum or in a chat group. Many wrong people. Many wasted years.
Everything was better before. People met at dances, in restaurants or through friends, moved in together and stayed together. At least that’s how the story goes. We rarely remember those who stayed because leaving didn’t feel possible, or those who chose without considering whether they were truly compatible. A relationship beginning quickly or lasting a long time doesn’t tell you whether it feels good to be in it.
You can be happy because you don’t know to want anything else. Before digital life, it was easier to live in a bubble of family, friends and work. We didn’t see every day how thousands of others lived, thought or behaved as partners. Perhaps that made our own lives feel like enough.
Social media opened that bubble. Now you see other relationships, pictures and thoughts. You may discover you’re missing something you couldn’t previously name. It can make you question the entire relationship. Yet we only see what others choose to show, and even knowing that doesn’t stop us wanting it. This is why many relationships in our parents’ generation are still intact: people who never joined social media don’t have to compare their lives in quite the same way.
Today it’s easier to find options. Online you can meet someone you would never encounter in your own circle, but the price is harder choices. We can browse endlessly, compare everyone to the next person and ask whether someone better is out there. It’s a slot machine you can’t quit when you’re ahead. A good person can go unnoticed when you’re already looking at the next profile. Greed can leave you with nothing and ultimately alone.
Even so, I choose this era. I’d rather learn to use my freedom of choice than return to a time when it wasn’t there. This blog is a guide to navigating that jungle.