When I was younger, I drifted from one long relationship to another. At school and university, I never dared tell my crushes I was interested. I was afraid of embarrassing myself. Somehow, I ended up embarrassing myself anyway.
Later I found an easier way: I chose whoever appeared first. The first person in a chat group who wanted to meet. The first to ask me to dance. The first private message on a forum. The first Tinder match. I struggled to say no, enjoyed the attention and didn’t have to risk rejection. I called it fate.
If you always choose whoever happens to find you, you aren’t choosing a person. You’re choosing convenience. I did. People came into my life; the problem was that I didn’t decide whom I wanted to know or whom to turn down. My fate was always in the other person’s hands.
Apps aren’t the only place to meet. A bar, friends, a hobby or an online community can work just as well. But you have to be where people can meet you and dare to show your personality and interest. A profile without an opening move is a waiting room where nobody necessarily calls your name. So is sitting among friends hoping someone reads your mind and knows you’re single and interested.
You don’t have to turn your life into a marketing campaign. Do one uncomfortable thing a day: send an opening message, suggest meeting, or say you’d like to see someone again. Sometimes it means saying no. Small actions add up and get easier with practice.
Showing interest requires vulnerability. Put your ego and pride aside and give someone the chance to say no. When you can handle rejection without avoiding the next attempt, you can finally choose whom to approach. Then the sky is the limit.
Chance can lead to exciting adventures, but don’t let it choose your partner for you. Only you can do that.